Casual Fun vs. Using People

In your early 20s, especially when you have just achieved financial independence and moved to a booming tech hub like Bhubaneswar, the sheer volume of freedom can be intoxicating. You are making your own money at TCS, living by your own rules, and navigating a digital dating ecosystem filled with thousands of potential matches.

In this environment, a very specific, highly toxic mindset often takes root in the minds of young men. It is the idea that the dating world is a zero-sum game, a marketplace where you must extract maximum “value” (physical intimacy, ego boosts, entertainment) from others to form your own enjoyment. In a previous thought, you mentioned the concept of “taking advantage” of people to secure this enjoyment.

We need to confront this mindset directly, brutally, and honestly.

There is a massive, impenetrable wall separating ethical casual fun and toxic manipulation. If you operate on the wrong side of that wall, you might secure a few short-term physical encounters, but you will ultimately sabotage your reputation, damage the mental health of your partners, and guarantee your own long-term isolation and loneliness.

Rewiring the “Take Advantage” Mindset

The desire to “take advantage” usually stems from a place of deep insecurity. It is rooted in the fear that if you are completely honest about your intentions, no one will want to sleep with you. It assumes that the only way to get a partner into bed without committing to a relationship is through deception, pressure, or strategic omission of the truth.

This is fundamentally false. You do not need to trick people into having casual sex with you. In a city filled with young professionals, there are countless people—both men and women—who are also looking for NSA (No Strings Attached) fun, exploration, and casual physical intimacy.

When you learn to find those people through honest communication, you experience the profound joy of ethical casual fun. When you try to force casual sex onto people who are actually looking for love, you cross the line into manipulation.

The Anatomy of Manipulation

It is vital to recognize what toxic behavior looks like so you can actively eliminate it from your life. Using people is not always a grand, villainous scheme. It often manifests in small, selfish choices.

What Using People Looks Like:

• The “Future Faking” Trap: This is when you talk about future plans—taking trips together, meeting friends, hinting at a long-term relationship—purely to lower their guard and convince them to sleep with you, knowing full well you intend to ghost them afterward.
• The Vulnerability Exploit: Targeting people who have recently gone through a breakup, who have expressed deep loneliness, or who have low self-esteem, because you know they are easier to manipulate into a physical encounter.
• The Strategic Silence: Knowing that your partner has deep feelings for you, but refusing to define the relationship or address their feelings because you don’t want the physical intimacy to stop. You let them believe there is “hope” for a relationship when there isn’t.
• Coercion Disguised as Persuasion: Repeatedly asking, whining, or applying subtle pressure to wear down a partner’s boundaries after they have already said no or expressed hesitation.

If you engage in these behaviors, you are not a “player” or a “ladies’ man.” You are a predator of emotional energy. You are leaving a trail of hurt, distrustful people in your wake.

The Karma of the Tech City Social Circle

You might think you can get away with manipulative behavior because Bhubaneswar is a big city and dating apps provide an endless supply of strangers.

This is a dangerous illusion.

The social circles among young tech professionals—especially those working at major campuses like TCS, Infosys, or Wipro—are surprisingly interconnected. People talk. Women warn other women. Men warn other men. The queer community, in particular, is highly protective of its members and quick to ostracize individuals who act aggressively or manipulatively.

If you earn a reputation as someone who lies to get into bed, ghosts people, or crosses boundaries, that reputation will precede you. You will find yourself swiping on apps and getting zero matches. You will find that mutual friends stop inviting you to parties. You will isolate yourself socially, completely defeating the purpose of moving to a new city to enjoy your 20s.

What Ethical Casual Fun Actually Looks Like

You can have incredibly wild, adventurous, and frequent physical relationships without ever manipulating a single person. In fact, ethical casual sex is vastly superior because it is completely devoid of guilt or anxiety.

The Pillars of Ethical Casual Dating:

1. Radical Transparency: You state your intentions early and often. “I really enjoy your company, but I want to be upfront that I am entirely focused on my career right now and am only looking for casual, short-term connections.”
2. Accepting the Filter: Yes, being honest will cause some people to reject you. That is the point. You are filtering out the people who would get hurt, leaving only the people who are enthusiastically on board for a casual encounter.
3. The “Campsite Rule”: Leave people in the same (or better) emotional condition than you found them. Be kind. Be respectful. Check in on them the day after a hookup just to say, “Hey, had a great time last night, hope you have a good day at work.” You don’t have to marry them to treat them with basic human decency.
4. Prioritizing Their Pleasure: In the bedroom, a manipulative person uses their partner’s body merely for their own climax. An ethical partner views physical intimacy as a collaborative project. They ask questions, they give generously, and they ensure that the enjoyment is strictly mutual.

Upgrading Your Mindset

You do not need to take advantage of anyone to form your enjoyment. True enjoyment comes from shared experiences. It comes from looking at a partner, knowing they are there because they genuinely want to be, knowing they are fully informed about your intentions, and knowing they are experiencing just as much pleasure as you are.

When you shift your mindset from “extraction” to “collaboration,” your physical relationships will transform from stressful, guilt-ridden transactions into beautiful, memorable experiences.

You have all the tools you need: an understanding of consent, a commitment to safe sex, the ability to communicate, and a firm grasp on the ethics of casual dating. In the final part of this series, we will bring everything together into a cohesive philosophy. We will look at the long-term trajectory of your 20s and how to build a social and physical life that leaves you fulfilled, confident, and deeply happy.

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Read the next part of the series here: Part 10: Building Healthy, Enjoyable Physical Relationships